Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
