If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
