you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
