Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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