First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
