Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
