Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
