Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
