I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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