Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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