Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
