I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
