No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
