I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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