Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
