Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
