u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
