I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
