I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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