I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
