I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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