please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize