You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize