at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
