I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize