it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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