i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
