I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am one with the molecules
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
