i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
