where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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