the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
