if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize