She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's the barista slut.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
