Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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