I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
