between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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