i was rollin on her like bob the builder
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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