i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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