Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
