i may or may not be watching the land before time
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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