She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
