So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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