They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
