She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
