so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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