the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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