so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
