Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
