I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize