all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need to calm my uterus...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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