Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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