his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
