She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've blown a few things in my day
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think your dad took our porno
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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