for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
