my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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