Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
