im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
