New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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