i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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