Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize