Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
