Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
