I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
