that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
