Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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