So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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