He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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