dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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