I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
