You made me cry and you don't even care
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
