just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize