You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
