no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
