im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
