i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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