I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
