no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
